|| Upfront and Personal ||
With one more year trying to survive in and with this planet, and with one more year to the age basket, here I am sitting and thinking to pen down something about myself, my past few days, may be the future of knowing nothing about and literally having no idea over what will I get to eat in the dinner even! Yes, being a millennial, I don’t starve but definitely depend on our maid while it comes to cooking at home.
It’s me who was completely confused about the past, unaware of the presence and not knowing the future. “Planning ahead” is a way too difficult phrase for me. Still I try to plan for my travel plans and fail miserably and not so proudly most of the times. I don’t know if I should be contented with that, but definitely I will not be stopping in trying to plan.
Here, today, I have thought of sharing my proud moments of failures within this small span of 28 years (N.B. I don’t know or remember how my first four years happened, so I am still unaware of that!)
Before starting off with the focal points and purpose of this article, let me just tell you what this article is definitely not for:
- No ranting about old mistakes, which means I might again do the same shamelessly.
- No free advises on how to lead life at this age. Everyone is different.
- No judgmental or opinionated conclusion over others. All of the conclusions are drawn on me and applies to myself personally only. Others may have different opinions and that is a welcome.
Streaming through my Daily chores:
Isn’t life a video reel without a pause or a back button?
With the daily routine hitting the morning every day, when I crawl up from that small space of non-existence, I find myself in that uncanny feeling of a weekday. I have to get ready for a day where everything I know, or just believe will fall into a space. I have learnt by now to swim through them, because nothing just falls into place, they just happen.
Exploring the Uncertainties:
By exploring, I didn’t mean to say about the travel plans, but the daily exploration in the same space that we all are doing.
Over the journey towards the office desk, I find myself swiping through some apps for some time pass or just being blank about the next upcoming post on Instagram. Swiping though becomes more difficult than posting a photo on social media. Hence I celebrate my free spirit on the posts that I try to create and bring into existence.
While logging into the workstation, all that comes to my mind is the next big challenge that can come up to me today. And to the surprise, it never comes from others (read Boss!), but from myself. Reluctantly I feel the conscience of trying something out which I don’t know about or not capable of. That may be trying to get a new job with the Tinder converting into the inevitable LinkedIn App.
Lunching and musings:
I reach to the lunch time where again I search myself thoughtlessly through the conversations with the colleagues and finding my own point of view. And as the evening tea arrives, I start looking forward to the other half of the day when I can get less complicated with the work at hand, can leave the seat and may enjoy some better half of my life.
Back to Home:
Back to the small space within a flat and among flatmates, it is neither a private space, nor any less too. Unknown faces have become a family here.
Back to home after the daylong office, survival doesn’t end. Rather it just gives start to the other chosen half of the day where I try to keep my energy mostly on, few days attending my dance classes, or else just sitting before my laptop editing photos and writing for blogs. Having travel and photography as a passion and love, I have tried to push my time and keep some them-time everyday so that I at least don’t feel empty ever. This is the only space that gives a breather to the whole 24 hours.
Relationships and Goals:
A complete failure – a single line for me I think will end all the curiosity here. I accept all kind of disputes that others put on me and I have no reasons to clarify. By this time, I have learnt that nothing is constant, neither anything is selfless even in something that might remotely too cannot be non-platonic. Hence it is better to respect the ways in which people prosper and into which I have survived and became.
It was not You, it was neither ME, it was the circumstances that fell apart. People never changes from the core, they develop. Relationships too, and for better mostly that we try to believe.
End of the night:
But when I am over them and the dose of sleep pulling the curtain over my eyes, it’s me who looks at me and throws a sarcastic smile at me for being not able to make the day for myself.
Still waiting for the dream that takes away the sleep to knock its door and appear in front. And yes the failures have always kept on pushing and they have made me what I am.
It’s not the end..
With each passing year I have met lot more people – some became good friends, some came to leave. Others were just too close to reap apart leaving a blankness. None had reasons, or rather when I look back, all the reasons are now a speck that just meant to happen.
Life might be long enough ahead with few certainties and I am yet to figure out that with each day passing by. All the known, familiar person whom I tried to know had to be learnt to be unknown at some point of life, except that no one cared enough than myself to me.
I will remain the same, with all the properties that I possess. For all the things, pleasures and objects in this Earth that never happened, I will know it was never with me and they never happened to be in my luck.
With all the gimmicks of spending life happily ever after, I am yet to search my after, or might be I am too much impatient with my life that I can’t come after. Hence, trying to get myself equipped for more non-brainy stuffs and more impeccable unfortunate turn outs in the coming days, where I expect nothing more wiser from myself. Just as it says, streaming my life without a buffer.